Ask Oakwood: Alternatives to How Was Your Day?

As we transition from flexible schedules and summer mindsets, the school routine can sometimes feel overwhelming and challenging. Here are some tips for taking your child's response to your "How was your day?" from one syllable to a dynamic conversation. 

First Step: Creating a Safe Space

Your child might need time to unwind before chatting about their day! 

• Give a hug, high five, or tell a joke first. 
• Snacks and water! We can all communicate more appropriately when our bodies are hydrated and get the right nutrients.
• Space! Try giving your child a little space to decompress before starting with all the questions you are excited to ask.

Second Step: Share Details About Your Day

Having a model of how to share experiences and talk about interactions can help kids open up about their day and give them an example of what you would like to know. Here are some examples:

• "My co-worker brought me a coffee this morning and it really brightened up my day. Who did something nice for you today?"
• "I heard the funniest joke today, 'why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.' What made you laugh today?"
• Give your child the opportunity to ask about your day too! What questions do they have for you?

Third Step: Ask Open-Ended Questions

Once your child has had time to settle in and grab a snack, try asking open-ended questions. 

• What made you laugh or smile?
• What is your favorite room or space at school?
• Who did something kind for you?
• Who did you sit next to at lunch?
• What frustrated you?
• How did you help someone?
• What made your teacher smile?
• What did you need help with?
• What was your least favorite part?
• What did you do during PE, Art, Music, or Tech?

Strategies for Building Conversations on a Regular Basis

Here are some tips for continuing the conversation beyond the first day of school. These strategies will help engage your child well into the school year and help provide a regular space for connecting. 

• Listen to what your child is saying, and let them finish their whole thought before responding. 
• Nod, smile, laugh! Show through your body language and focus that you are interested in what they are sharing. 
• Make eye contact ... or don't! Sometimes it is important to make eye contact and show that you are fully engaging in the conversation. Other times, eye contact can make kids feel uncomfortable with pressure. Try asking open-ended questions in the car while driving to after-school activities. There is less eye contact and no chance for your child to leave the room. 
• Ask follow-up questions, be cautious about redirecting the conversation to you or someone else.

Start small! If answering open-ended questions is challenging, try previewing the questions with them. For example, "I can't wait to hear about one thing that made you laugh at school. I'm going to ask you about that tomorrow on our way to soccer practice." Or, try to make it a multiple choice, "What was the best part of your lunch? The sandwich, chips, fruit, or the cookie." 

Just be there! One of our Fish! Philosophies is Be There. Asking about their day does not need to take long or start so detailed. Being there, present, and in the moment is important. Asking open-ended questions and listening as your child shares about their day can start a positive cycle of knowing that you are there and care about their day. 

Mrs. Strouse is the Student Services Coordinator, organizes our Student Service Committee, and teaches Social Affective and Counseling lessons as a part of Oakwood's daily schedule. Her lessons span the importance of kindness, engaging with your community, and building confidence and conflict-resolution skills for life beyond Oakwood.